One of the ways that this blog was born, was out of necessity. My last blog was one in which I dedicated a year of myself wholly to the Lord and to the hearts of others. I vowed to look at people with open eyes, an open mind and God's heart. I knew, somehow, in the back of my mind that being as determined as I was to be a complete and selfless vessel for the Lord would open up my life and possibly the lives of my family to a head on attack from the Enemy. I had no idea that attack was already being orchestrated and put into motion 13 years ago, until my whole came crashing down around me. Everything that I relied on to be safe and true and honest was gone- a sham, a bold faced lie.
There is nothing more terrifying than the naked feeling of being vulnerable, completely and utterly. Everything from my self-respect to the financial security of my family has been stripped away. This utterly new feeling has me feeling a bit like Bambi stepping out into the meadow for the first time.Everything is so wide open and exposed; it feels as though I have a bulls-eye on my forehead and the world is just daily taking shots at me.
What does that have to do with this blog? In my my blog The Heart of Ruth, I was safe and secure, fighting through what I thought were temporary trials in order to use my life as an open witness for the Lord. It was my ministry and I never wanted to every have it associated with money. Now that all that is gone, all I have are these 3 things I'm clinging to for dear life: Faith, Hope (what little I have left) and Love. I have no idea what is going to happen from one day to the next, or what Life is going to hurl at me, so I needed a place to vent my fears and feelings and hope that in some way, if other people were going through the same thing that they would be directed here and that we could find comfort in one another.
That being said, one of my major fears is in the financial department. Among dozens of applications, countless web searches and fliers posted all around my small rural town- practically begging kind souls to use what little talents & skills I have to generate an income, the idea and mentions of blogging as a source of income kept coming up. Now I know what you're thinking: "So you just wanna make money off this thing, huh? Does she even mean what she says...or is it all just fluffy talk to get a buck?" Well I can honestly that yes, I do mean what I say in this blog- every word.My sincerity isn't lessened just because I have created a way for kind souls to make a donation, if they so desire. I continue to look for "normal" ways to make a living for my family, but in the meantime any gifts of support or kindness are hugely welcomed and appreciated. For the angels out there that feel lead to make a donation of $50 or more, I have reserved a special page on here for your name (and link if you have one) titled Virtual Angels. I have taken some chances, made some sacrifices and worked very hard into the wee hours of the morning (it is currently 4:57am)to make this blog look and feel like a place you'll want to come back to again and again. Tweaks and changes will made along the way, but I hope to create at least one safe place left in this world.